Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
