he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
