I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
