Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
