After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
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saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
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Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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