Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
