just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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