i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You are the jesus of drinking
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
God I need to hump something, right now.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
