I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
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He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
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grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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