How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
