I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The power of my boobs compel you
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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