if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
