So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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