So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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