i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Send help, water and tortillas.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
