What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
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she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
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when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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