Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
