he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
