$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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