Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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