Having a random hookup so left but love u
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
