can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
