Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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