If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
