Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
