Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
