Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize