I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
