She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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