White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
