at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
