I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
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You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
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Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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