out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
