just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I love you. Go after that dick
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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