I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
BRING THE BAGELS
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
