Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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