I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
