A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
