"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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