Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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