so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
