Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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