i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
