During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
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Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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