21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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