do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
