Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
