my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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