In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
