she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
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he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
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Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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