you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
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there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
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I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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