Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
