I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
