I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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