i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
