I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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