I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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