Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
