No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
