At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
