Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
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HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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