I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
