just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
