I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
