I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
