Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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