The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
