the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
