i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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